In an effort to learn how to be a good mom to my kids and specifically to learn how to parent a toddler I’ve been reading a book called “It’s a Boy” the book covers every imaginable issue in raising a boy from birth to 18 years of age. I do not find it an easy read by any means and I have to say that I like books that are broken down in easy to read categories and this is not really that type of a book. Anyhow this is not meant to be a review of the book, I just wanted to share a little excerpt from the book that I found enlightening:
” Above all, you should have fun with your son. Peer pressure among parents has intensified in recent years, just as the competitive environment has intensified for children growing up. Sadly, many parents today approach parenting in the same intense way they work at their jobs or studied in college. They consider it very serious business. But in the sea of information and opinions from books, magazines, newspaper articles, research briefs, Web sites and blogs it is possible to lose sight of the simple bond that nature designed so you and your baby can communicate, love, learn, and grow together. If you become too grim about parenting, your child feels it. Children read their parents’ moods. I believe that your son will know whether you are, on balance, having some fun raising him or whether you consider it an endless series of chores or worse yet, a project that must be done just right. Perfectionism is the enemy of enjoyable parenting.”
“I’d like to remind you of two of Donald Winnicott’s powerful concepts: the child as a “going concern” and the “good-enough” mother. If a mother understands that she doesn’t have to create her baby or make him grow, if she understands that he has the genetic and developmental program already inside, she can relax. And if she can trust herself to be a “good-enough” mother, she can stop worrying and just enjoy responding to his needs. There is also the “good-enough” father and “good-enough” sibling. A family does not have to be perfect to be wonderful for a baby.”
For me this is very eye opening information; not earth shattering by any means it’s definitely knowledge I had but maybe would have a hard time accepting; however reading it in a book I feel like I can more readily take a hold of it. I don’t know what it is inside of me that makes me yearn to be “the perfect” mom all the while knowing that it is absolutely impossible to attain. Also when I realize that I’ve made a mistake in my choice of parenting I come down very hard on myself and have a hard time forgiving myself and as a result this only intensifies my desire to be the perfect parent. It seems like a vicious cycle and I want to break it. I want to focus a bit more on enjoying my boys and less on being a perfect parent and having perfect kids as that is not truly attainable or honestly in some ways not even desirable.
this is how we have fun…. gonna attempt to focus more on this than other stuff.