ahh… motherhood!

In anticipation to my separation from Seth while on my upcoming road trip

Last night when I took Seth upstairs to get him ready for bed time (I give him a little play time on the floor in his bedroom) I was watching him curiously crawl all over his room and look into every nook and cranny, when the thought hit me: next tuesday morning when I will be dropping him off at my mom’s I will for sure be crying as I drive away from him for a whole 5 days. This trip for me is most assuredly bittersweet. 
My sister texted me today all excited with the count down for our trip and a request for prayer that we have good weather during our vacation.  I totally felt her excitement but at the same time I felt this heaviness in the pit of my stomach because I will be leaving behind my son. I really wish I could put him in my pocket and take him with me (but it would be so much more difficult and impossible :)). I think some of it has to do with the fact that I am going on a road-trip and there are so many things that could go wrong. I get these thoughts of all sorts of things happening like what if I die in an accident and I never see him again…  I know that is really morbid but I am being very honest and that thought has gone through my minx, since deciding to go on the trip. However I realize that if I am meant to die, I don’t have to drive out of town, it could happen at any time anywhere. 
I know you must be thinking… “then why are you going if you feel this way?” I am going because I want to have this experience with my sisters. My husband and I are hoping that  baby #2 will happen sometimes soon and if and when that happens I will be even more limited in the things I can do. Another reason is that I want some time for myself. I love being a mom and especially Seth’s mom 😉 but I am looking forward to some beach time and some time to read a book uninterrupted. A huge plus is the opportunity to spend some time with my sisters and connect on a deeper level with them. I look forward to all those things and I know that I will deal with missing Seth with phone calls, Skype calls and so on. 
Who knows maybe it will be easier than I am anticipating. These are just ramblings from before the trip I will def. write about how it was post road-trip.

One Comment on “ahh… motherhood!

  1. I'm excited for you to go on your trip! I totally know how you feel when it comes to sometimes morbid thoughts. I think that as long as you aren't living in fear, it's good to remember that every moment could be our last. That helps me keep things in perspective sometimes when I feel frustrated. 🙂


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